First Trimester Journal

How do I feel?

Frankly, tired. In general, these days, mentally.

Shit scared

Anxious

Confused

Not even in the same planet as the word happy

Physically, Oh..

Out of breath

Lazy as hell

Gassy, Acid reflux always in my throat or mouth

Weird pains in my tummy, can't even categorize or distinguish them anymore.

They range from scary to scariest. I have become extra sensitive to understand these pains. Where are they? What are they? Gas, pelvic, urinary tract, uterus or liver? I dont know.

Why did I read so much crap? Is Google trying to reduce world population? I think so. If people enter this world by hurting another person so much, nothing is surprising anymore.

Oh my breasts. Are they hurting or not? That's like hourly question. Hurting myself to check, thats a new low I achieved.

I dont want to keep hopes up at all. I dont know why. I think its let me down. Especially when nothing is in my control.

I forgot about the headaches, icky smells, feeling like throwing up but not able to. Not able to enjoy food, ME of all, ME, not enjoying my usual favorites.

I just wish all this feels worth soon. And it takes very little to feel that way.